heart of the matter

My Photo
Name:
Location: Singapore

just one in a billion...

Monday, March 7, 2016

Getting my first Pet Kitten

The thoughts would have never crossed my mind, its only when I felt the family is drifting apart doing their own things.. My boys with their laptops, my daughter with the mtv, and my missus on her handphone chatting and texting… So I threw in the message in my "Family group".. "How about getting a kitten as pet?,.. what you guys think?.."… The replays was fast and furious and mostly excitedly Yes.. except from one scatty cat person.. my wife.. with her big caps: "NO!".. but guess she being vetoed out by the kids..:)

Pleasantly surprised, it does get the family together once more…:) one look for the type of kitten to get. Whether to adopt or to buy, the other check on the preparations on what to do and get first,.. Well my wife continues with her nagging objections like: "You all know how jolly well that I am afraid of cats,.. Anyway you guys don't even know how to look after yourself and now you all want to look after a cat??!!,.. How about the smell,? bla bla bla… Well I just continue with my newspapers and enjoying my coffee.. and let my kids handle the responses to my wife.. for once I felt at eased and I knew it will be easier for my wife to give up when the kids are up against her..;) haha.. 

So out we go to see a kitten from a cat welfare organisation… but along the way,.. my eldest boy say: " Hey Dad, can we go to this address at west coast, this lady wanted to give up her kitten cause one of her kids is allergic to cat.".. "Lets just see this kitten first..".. I said: "hmm ok.. if you say so..".. All this while my wife keeps saying things like:"Keep it away from me in the car,,. Tie it up tight,.. look out for its shit.. bla bla bla"..

When we reach the lady's house, we were allowed in by this friendly German lady, she was very welcoming and we saw her kids, 2 young girls and a little boy. And yes,.. we saw the boy nose was pretty red..:) guess still suffering from his allergic to the kitten. So my son asked, where's the kitten, The lady say, its there under the sofa you are sitting… Instantaneously we all stood up,.. The lady smile and says its ok.. she got her daughter to pluck the shy kitten out..

And I can see my son's eyes glitters, when he looks at this young british tabby kitten.. We all loved him right there.. Straight away we agreed to adopt him,  My son have a chat with the lady about the formalities of looking after "Cliquot" the kitten name.. Though we have a choice of renaming him but all of us decided to retained it.. not sure why..:). We brought it back home straightaway, as the lady was kind enough to give all Cliquot's stuff away together with him. His litter box, food, toys and all.. practically we need not get anything else..:).

About 1 year have passed,.. and surprisingly,  the "Scatty Cat Lady" at home, is now even closer to Cliquot than to me.. with her famous line when she steps home: "Clico darling.. where are you?",.. talk about how people change… And it works, the family now have a focal point to share fun and laughter together.. Cliquot does bring us together again.. alhamdulillah..:)).. Yeah get a pet.. it will brings you guys back together again..:))

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Its been quite a while since I pen down or may the correct term will be "keyed down" my thoughts in this beloved blog of mine. Just too many things have happened for the past 3 years or so. Kids grown up, some closed friends and relatives have demised. Perspective in life seems to be in a different light now. You just hope that you have given the best you can to the people you care and loved. There seems to be more time to spent with your better half. Thats actually is quite nice to do. 

Those times when you need to be spending late nights at office seems to be diminishing. Either you are getting better at what you do or you getting less jobs due to your age. Hmm, I go for the former irregardless… haha. Your priorities are different now,.. Speaking to my eldest son, whose 28 now, I can see that his view on life and future is totally quite the opposite of mine. Listening to him is like going thru dejavu.. He's talking about housing, upgrading his career, financial matters.. etc etc.. When I come to think of it, its quite normal for him to be like that. Its the progression of life. Wheww…:) I am glad its over for me now.. but there are other issues thats needs ironing out..

There will be issues that, will raise questions,.. like what happened when your CPF account turns into Retirement Account?,.. What will happen to your housing mortgage loan?, Will you be able to able to use your CPF for your kids tertiary studies? Huh..:) guess it is still not a walk in the park yet for me.. Well I will get all these questions answered once I meet the CPF officer later these few months.. Am turning 55, the golden number that all SIngaporean are looking forward to.. But sad to say, the golden number seem to reflect the sentiment of gold now.. its depressing.

Nonetheless I still got to be really thankful for what life have given, alhamdulillah. Kids are all grownup and sufficiently educated. I am still in good stead to be able to enjoy life with soul mate, watching late night movies and enjoying few hours chat over double chocolate, alfresco dinner at Taman Rinting JB, well am thankful. My advise is to all, keep the hobby alive.. never neglect what you loved to do. Fishing is one of hobbies, beside watching movie, reading & painting..

Now I have more time to go fishing with my buddies. And yes, I got a cat.. to top it all..:) Talking about being too free… or being dumb with time.. going for the former again.. haha.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Bendahara - A Betrayal



This is going to be my first time watching a Malay Theatre performance, "Bendahara - A Betrayal". Not that I am an avid follower of such activities.. it just that my son Faiz is involved in the performance. And being a supportive parent, I am going to experience how Theatre Performance will be like.
But judging from the review it has received, (see link: http://pujanggamalam.com/2012/03/24/bendahara-a-betrayal-promo/) it seems to be something to be look forward to. And the fact that my son's have been practically coming back around midnite 3-4 times this week for practise, hope its worth his while..
Anyway, personally, I guess its about time I give support to this cultural event. If my mere support helps to sustain the interest in our culture in one way or the other, then by all means, I would do it. On the contrary, its quite scary to think if our next gen dont even appreciate the culture they comes from.

Friday, October 28, 2011

"May the odds ever be in your favour..."


Personally I believed this will be another big hit following the path of Harry Potter;s trilogy. I have read all the three books, thanks to my kids for propagating it to me, and I did not regret spending the time doing it. It's surprisingly interesting and quite exciting. It has all the necessary ingredients to be another cult following story with the right commercial value for the producers. Not to mentioned that it will an extremely good launching pad for all aspiring actors to be there in the cloud with all the stars. Just want to see if the producers are able to make it as successful as Harry Potter series and instil some excitement in the already lack lustre silver screen industry.. lets see.. "May the odds ever be in your favour..."

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

"Bukan salah siapa." Mohd Ashraf Hafiz Abd Aziz



Its quite sad to read about the death of Mohd Ashraf Hafiz @ Aleesha Farhana. Could'nt quite imagine the predicament and hardship he and his family have gone thru since the news of his rejected application to have his name and gender changed came out in the Malaysian press.

And whats makes it even more depressing is that you have people posting comment like this with regards to this real life issues:
"1 comments:
Anonymous said...
...u want to talk about them...its easy...u dont like the way msians treat u pls leave msia by going out of msia or die...its easy for everybody"

Sat Aug 13, 01:38:00 PM 2011

Why so much hatred..??

Personally, I felt the Muslims especially the Malay Muslim are very good in avoiding taboo subject like transgender, sex before marriage, abortion etc etc.. Our mentality is to always sweeps the issues under the carpet and let it be there to rot. And when being forced to face these issues, we get very defensive and uncompromising. Instead of initiating more indepth discussion we just, quote "...pls leave msia or die... its easy for everybody". Yes thats what we always wanted... an easy way out for everything. "Aleesha" case may just be the tip of the iceberg,.. should'nt the community try to be more understanding. May be we should be made known the difference between a transsexual as transvestite. Please go and look it up in the dictionary and get better understanding..

And what Dr Hasanah have written in her blog, is precisely what could have been done. See the excerpt:
1. They are first of all humans
2. They have sensitive "heart"; if you normal and religiously correct people think you have feeling, then multiply or square your feeling to feel a bit of what these special people feel.
3. They are abnormal to your definition, and I guess as a psychiatrist, I could understand that those with more covert personality/moral/religious issues would hit harder at these special people
4. They first knew that they feel like the opposite sex when they were still very young, some even at the age of 4 or 3. Thus, I question the learning factor in this status.
5. The transgender people may consist of heterogeneous type of genetic make up or physical expression, so each case should be formulated individually and we should not generalised them as having similar underlying problem. A very female person physically could be having an XY genes. Also Brain-based studies have concentrated on whether sexually dimorphic brain structures in transsexuals are more similar to their preferred sex or to their birth sex. We are still in the unestablished grounds here, and more researches should be carried out.
6. Those who'd cursed Aleesha, could be the one having children with such problem. It is one example of "Bukan salah ibu mengandung", also "Bukan salah ibu-bapa mendidik", in fact this problem is a "Bukan salah siapa." Yang salah, yang suka menghina dan menghukum!

Read the whole article here: (http://selfprescription.blogspot.com/2011/07/mohd-ashraf-hafiz-abdul-aziz-aleesha.html)

Lastly my sympathy to the family of the late Aleesha and hope the media can put a rest to this episode and let them live their normal life again..

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Be a real Idol to someone...



American Idol contestant Chris Medina was sent packing home but his presence will be felt forever. When I saw his first audition, and the story behind his life with his fiancee, I felt touch. Like most normal people would have felt. Here is guy who have shown a kind of conviction that not many would have been able to do. Personally to me, he is a walking example of what true love, sacrifices, commitment, dedication and lastly an unselfish soul on earth. A kind that you will never meet often in your life. So why does he get to be sent home, you may ask? Why life have to be so unfair? Well, for a start, life have never been and will never be fair. There could be a blessing in disguise here... could it be if his journey continues, he might not be able to spend more time with his fiancee as what he have been able to do now. And with the corrupted, sleazy, glamour world of fame in US, he might changed for the worst... So I guess, to me , he already won the title as the True American Idol, should be.., and now that everybody have seen how he is now, its good for him to go and leave with a message that everyone needs to emulate,.. So go on,.. and be an Idol to the one that truly adore and love you for what you are...

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

What's Yours..?



Everybody have a darkside of their life that they kept away from everyone.. Yes, they kept it from everyone, including the one closest to them. They may claimed to have been truthful and opened in the relationship. BUT I am 100% sure that there is always a darkside that you just dont want to share it with anyone.. What could it be? Is it the time you stole from someone who loved you, the time you kick a cat to death, the time you commit adultery, the list goes on... Whats your darkside that you managed to keep it close to you that no one will ever knows.. Will your conscious will ever be clear? Will the burden of carrying this darkside all your life have an effect on you? Will it change you or do you just pretend it doesnt happen? Whats your darkside turns you to be..? Better person or better liar?

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Polys or JCs..?



The dreadful time of "O" Level results are here and gone. I have heard of loss of sleep, nervousness, praying the whole night etc etc. I can understand what these kids are going thru. Its one of the many crossroads of these kids life. The ones that will ultimately shaped you to be who you are.

After the dust have settled... I guess most would prefer the Polys as it seems more interesting and fun to be in. No uniforms, no stressful studies, no GP paper and so on. But dont these kids knows,..? Once you've gone thru JC,. the rest are a walk in the park.. Not that I have experienced it but thats what most who have gone thru it,.. said it.. And you got a chance at a Degree after that... But then again if your results are good enough...:(

So the choice are still theirs to make, and as parents you have a chance to say your views but never impose on them..

But most importantly,.. to all these kids.. go to school again... Yes, thats the way. Get off the already tight labour force market. Stay in school and depend on their parents for another 3years. This will delay the influx of competition for jobs in the workforce. Is this good..? ..or.. bad..? Not sure..

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Well, here e go again...



Well, here e go again... the start of the new year. Whats in it for me in 2011? Will it be the same routine..? I pretty guess it would be for most people. Only they just wont realised it. They have been going thru the motion for too long to note that their life are so mundane. And its been going on for donkey years and they dont even realised it. Why you may ask..?.. Ask yourself then.. could it applies to me?? Let me simplify it for you:

January
Most will pretend to make new resolution but everyone knows it will be a waste of time. We will be too busy for the new school we attend to, new working place. Mothers will be too busy too attend to their kids and so on bla bla bla.

February
Most will be too busy preparing for the Chinese New year. While others will be too busy shopping and going for short holidays & commenting about the Govt Yearly Budget Issue.

March
Parents, especially mothers will be too caught up with stress of their children CA.. And most will be too busy will Chinese New Year preparation

April.
Everyone will busy will the election (I think).

May
All, parents, children & teenagers will be busy with exams, Teenagers will stop bashing each other for a month...

June
Spore will be vacated as everyone will be gone for holidays... For those staying back.. they will be hibernating in their rooms.. Teenagers will start bashing one another again..

July
Every one will pretend to look at what they have accomplished for the past half year... Parents will be busy commenting about the after election. Teenagers will start bashing one another again..

August
Everyone will be busy for National Day and watching the erotic Getai shows..

September
Everyone will be busy with bargains and sales for Hari Raya. Teenagers will start bashing one another again..

October
Everyone will be busy with bargains and sales for Deepavali. Teenagers will start bashing one another again..

November
Everyone will busy for School exams. Teenagers will start bashing one another again..

December
Everyone will be busy with bargains and sales for Christmas. Teenagers will start bashing one another again..

Thats my take for this year for most people with their mundane life.. For me? I love watching mundane people...:)) and watching Teenagers will start bashing one another again..

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Dont even have one...



Reputation is a general perception of how someone view another person. Whether its going to be good or bad, its all depends on how we have lived our life in public eyes. But any good reputation is as fragile as a crystal glass at the edge of a table. A slight mishandling, and it will falls shatters beyond repair. And if by means out of this world, it was put back together, it will never never be the same as it was before.
No matter how well and how long, you have build it up, all it takes is a slight misdeeds and you send your reputation shattered on the floor, beyond repair. Just look at what have happen to some of the reputable person caught in this situation.. the college Principal, the scholar student and am sure there are many more...
I guess the next time you felt like doing a misdeed, look at what kind of reputation you have build up... or it doesnt really matter to you. As you dont even have one to start with..

Friday, November 19, 2010

Putar Alam...



When I saw this movie review in the net a couple of months back,.. I told myself, hmmm.. this could be the Malay Movie that could give the late Yasmin a challenge for all the good social drama movies that she have done so far. Not many directors have managed to achieved, what Yasim have achieved in her short movie-direction life span. But... was I wrong.

I saw the movie yesterday with my better-half. And yes.. like what a reviewer have written about it.. it was just made for a music video. May be except for the acting of Suhaila Salam (as Adam the main character) and Rosnah Johari (the mother), the rest of the actors performance were probably good enough for Schools Play combining Barney the Purple Dinosaur. There's no depth in the acting, no life, nothing came out even in scene where an award could have been given if carried out well. Its just too shallow not even a goldfish could have survive in. Its shameful to even proclaimed this to movie to be able to pull in million of dollars, Probably milllions of Rupiah could be more realistic target.

No doubt, the Essence and the story line was a juicy topic to start with. Its just needed a good well-rounded director on the par with the late Yasmin to make this a movie to be reckon with. Go on, all those budding directors out there.. take this topic up and make good this DuaAlam movie again. As for the Director who have done this.. I could only say to you: Dont be Putar Alam lah...

Monday, September 27, 2010

Living on the edge...



The tragedy of a father and son that happen yesterday may not be shocking to us no more. Its have happen before and it will happen again. How do we ever get rid of these grave negative mindset of "I am taking away his or her lives away because its the best thing to do for everybody..." May be we could mirror these incident to reflect on how a person could ever conclude to these dreadful decision. Or could it be those around him have unintentionally helped in making it easier for him to decide?
May be we should questioned ourselves..., have we ever being too selfish, insensitive, ungrateful to our loved ones that we do not realised that he or she is at the edge of making a drastic decision in life? Or are we just too weak and pathetic to face problems together and it requires our other half to do us a great favour by committing these act of sacrifice??
Lets this incident be a sad learning process for those in any relationship problem to ponder... are your loved ones at the edge? Or are you pushing them over the cliff?

Monday, May 31, 2010

Just another piece of the puzzle...



What matters to us most in life?... Family, Career, Passion, Health?? the list goes on. So how do you balance and allocate the time for each things that is important to you? Here's what you should do... list the things that is important to you. And I believe basically there are 4 things:
1.Spirituality and Personal Development
2.Family & Relationship
3.Career
4.Personal Care & Health.
Try to honestly assess how much time you give to each of these basic needs. Do you for example devote 80% of your time to work and expect that your family life to be rich and rewarding. Do spent 10% of your time caring for your health and wonder why you always falls sick most of the time. Or do you allocate 70% of your time for the family and get frustrated that your career are not taking off in flying colors. Well.. something have to give in, to be sacrifice, to be compromise.
You got to identify and choose your priority. Once you have done that, then give yourself credit, a pat on the back, if you have done well in the chosen prioritised area. Try to cut down on your worries, the thing is to plan your life and not to worry about things that may or may not happen. And the most important thing of all is ... LOVE YOURSELF FIRST... this act of loving yourself will act like a shield that will protect you from those challenges life will throw at you... So try it. Life is like a puzzle, but like what my beloved friend used to say... the picture is up to us to create

Thursday, May 27, 2010

You f*%@# greedy, corporate pigs..



Have managed to win the standoff with blood sucking telco and not signup for the WorldCup subscription. Its a clear cut case of Telcos not able to recoup Advert revenue due to delay agreement, thus get it from the desperate viewers. The mindset of the people working for the Telco are, "Never blame themselves for what they fuckup and never lose a single cents for the company". Pretty f*%@# mindset. Dont they understand, living in this stressful country, things like the WorldCup are avenues for the people get themselves distracted from the reality of living hardship. For heaven sake, we are already living on the edge, why cant they be more sympathetic and let people create bond together with this "Once in a 4 years event". Why dont they help foster bond between people, for once put the monetary issue aside and think about the people. You f*%@# greedy, corporate pigs..

Monday, April 26, 2010

Do You Really Want to See It..??



Its still exist,.. even now. Some called it Traditional medicine Man others called it Bomoh ... Even with the influx of Integrated Technology, the need for such expertise still exists and in demand. Yes, I was present at one ritual yesterday. It was an eye opener. I have had never seen the practise in real life before. Except for those in movies or thru stories told by people who have gone thru it. But the fact is it is not as dramatic and as elaborate as the one they one they conjured up for commercial reasons on the big screen. Infact it was never meant to be. But nonetheless it was really food for thoughts.

Whether the images you see will be in high resolution pixel format or in spiritual form, I realised, its only when you have attained that certain spiritual level, only then you will be able to see those that was meant for you to see. The next question is: "Do you really want to be able to see it??".. Until now I am still contemplating it..

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Face. It..


As a parent, I am pretty sure atleast one of your kids,(if you have any), would be on a social networking sites. Especially the Facebook. Personally in my earlier blog, I hate this Facebook. But just to keep track on my kids, I created one for myself... Then I realised,..Hey!!!.. I dont really enjoy reading abt what they are doing?? So why am I here..??!! So I wrote an email to all my kids (3 of them) and told them I am delisting them from my "Friend's List". Meaning, I wont care about their Facebook anymore.

And here are the replies I've got.
My youngest say: "YEAAHHH ATLAST, FREEDOM!!!"
My daughter replied: " You sure Papa..??, are you angry with me for not responding to your post???"
And my eldest son say: "Its about time... not cool to have your dad in the friend's list lah...:)"

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!!!.. ITS NOT COOL TO HAVE YOUR DAD IN THE FRIEND'S LIST!!! Wazzup lah these kids nowadays. If you dont keep up with them ,they say you are backdated. And if you are at par with them, they say its not cool for them.

But after a few days of souls searching... I realised, hey... they do need some space of their own. Some form of self exploration with a private space. I guess we parents sometimes, unintentionally, tends to be too over protective about our kids. Though the intention is good, I guess the implementation needs to be improved. So to all those parents that is having Facebook account, get your kids of the Friend's list. And you might get the same replies to what I've got.. FaceIt..

Sunday, March 14, 2010

You just needs to draw the line...



Overheard in the radio recently, of how the a new term have existed to describe the existing generation now... “The Online” & “The Offline” Generation.. And I found this to be exactly true in what have existed today.. Well, in my home it does, anyway. I would catergorize myself to be the unique Generation.. the one that survive on both Online & Offline... Just like some species that can survive both on land and in water..

Can these 2 Generation co-exist..? I sure would like to think so.. But who will ultimately overrun the other? I guess the “Online” species will ultimately be the one that will stand last... they are smarter, stronger and very aggresive. But deep down inside, I felt there will be the resurrection of the “Offline” species to make good of what life in this world should be. The world needs that warm human touch, rather than cold steel feeling.

But how will the “Offline” species triumph in the end???. Really Wonder how..? Well, the chosen one from the “Offline” species will battle all odds and tribulations.. going across seas of fire and dodging bullets and cannons... and at the end of it, he just.... off the main power supply... there goes the “Online” species... kapuutt...:)

Friday, March 12, 2010

Excuse me.. are you Mr Tom Cruise..?



Since the floodgates opened by Mr Tiger himself.. apparently "infidelity" seems to be a favourite pastime for most guys. from famous footballers to our own local "apek" director... I guess they must have gone thru a severe case of deprived childhood to make themselves feel good about doing things like this. Why it isnt so?? Infidelity make a man feels a sense of triumph and power.. it boosted their manhood and ego to the extreme max. Thats the reason why in the case of Mr Jumping Jack.. facing rejection will only makes him want to try on others (..ladies or men it doesn't really matter) even more, thus even a 16year old.. how low can you get.... A man at this state will never comprehend the meaning of "No, I am not interested in you.. even though you got money or power". He will never to able to face himself in the mirror if any lady rejected him. A pure case of inferiority complex due to deprived childhood..

Cmon guys,.. just what do you think you can get from that women that you cant get from your own wife huh.??... or may be you should try to imagine your better half doing that to you.. try to imagine.. imagine hard... feel it..?? Ok to all the Jack Ass out there,.. take a good look in the mirror... Now that you can see that you are not Mr Tom Cruise.. Go back to the one who loved you as who you really are.. and have sympathy on her for loving an asshole like you..

Friday, February 26, 2010

Rolling stones...

Gall stone is unknowingly very common occurrence in anyone. Just pick someone on the street and run the test on him/her and you bound to see presence of gallstone in them. What makes mine special is that, it tends to creep out from the gall bladder and got stuck in the bile duct... thats when the pain attack will come. This occurred 3 times for the past 10years.. so atlast, got the stone and the Gall bladder removed yesterday..
Now I got a 4 punctured holes and a bloated stomach from the surgery done to removed my gall bladder. Dont believed anyone who says, the procedure was not that bad. It was painfully bad after the surgery. Your throat hurts, you'll felt nausea, pain and giddy for the whole night. Only gets better a day later.
Felling much better now but needs to get this wound dressing changed. There is no way for you to avoid this. But then there are others stones occurrence in your body that you need to worry too... like the kidney stone and the appendicitis. Talking about rolling stones...

Saturday, February 6, 2010

What did we actually see...


Sitting here on my hospital bed.. I recalled a story I heard couple of years back....

There was once a young man wounded during war. Being seriously wounded, he could only lay on his bed n watched others around him. But his attention falls solely on this guy, whose bed was beside a window. Every morning n evening he would gazed outside the window for hours n only falls back in his bed with a satisfying smile of pure pleasure. Like he was just given a new lease of life..

One morning the young soldier could not resist no more and asked him: "Whats it like out there..?.. The guy turns around slowly and said: "Its beautiful, the grass is green, the lakes are beautiful, birds and butterflies flying all over the place..", he smiled n turned around looking out the window again. The young soldier could only thank him with a tinge of envy.. And this goes on daily n every question the young soldier asked, will always be answered with description of beautiful landscapes, sunsets and colourful flowers decorating the fields..

But one morning the young soldier woke up to see nurses clearing the bed of the guy by the window... He instantly asked the nurse: "Where did he go..?". The nurse replied softly: "He died yesterday.." There was silence for a while.. The young soldier felt lost n deprived.. He just cannot help selfishly thinking: "How is he going to know what's going on out there..?" Then he politely asked the nurse: "Can you help transfer me to that bed..?".. The nurse replied: "Ok".. And the young soldier was transferred to the bed by the window.

He lays there for a while.. with his heart thumping.. Like a young child, waiting for a present.. Then he eagerly pull himself up towards the window.. Full of anticipation... But when he reached up the window.. He could not believed what he saw... There was nothing out there but a wornout bricked-wall facing him back.. He stand there stunned for a couple of minutes, with a sole question in his head: "Why did he lied to me all this time?"... Then after a while,.. his frowned slowly turned into a smile.. He realised, that guy was actually saving his life.

We could actually paint as many beautiful pictures we want in our mind, and this could decide how hard we will try to get it in our life.. The need so much to see the beautiful lakes, flowers, butterflies and the beautiful sunset, helps the young soldier to fight injury and live for that moment... We should all create that beautiful pics in our mind and strive to see this at the end of our lives, no matter if there was a grey-brick wall we are facing now..